3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
