i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
