But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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