He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
