there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His nipple licking is glorious
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