Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
