Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
