i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
