He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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