No more Irish car bombs ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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