I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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