he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
