Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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