I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
