we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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