YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
