she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
