how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
