she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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