thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
