the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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