don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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