so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
