Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
