I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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