gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
