so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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