a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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