I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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