what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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