i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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