so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
