there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
