He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
