Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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