Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
