Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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