I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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