how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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