My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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