My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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