Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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