Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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