im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
