Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
