If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
