Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
