Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize