dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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