It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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