im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bring me that man meat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
