Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
