ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
