"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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