8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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