Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
