not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
