3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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