textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
