If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
