piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
