Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
