i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
