so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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