I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
