Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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